I know that on the surface, the sump pump looks about as reliable as the boiler in “The Shining”. But unlike that boiler, this sump pump is held together by tape, string, and plastic garbage ties.
Luckily, it is running just fine, thanks to this ingenious setup. Well played, previous owner. Well played.
Project: Bathroom remodeling
Materials needed: roll of paper towels, hand soap, waste basket and plastic bag
Time needed for project: about 1 min (plus about 30 min. to shop)
Step 1: Dry hands on pant leg because the towel that was left in the bathroom looks like it wants a starring role in a remake of “Outbreak”.
Step 2: Stand in the paper goods aisle of Walmart agonizing over quality vs. price of paper towels for at least 10 min. Triumphantly make your choice, put the paper towels in your cart, and then notice that the more expensive paper towels have a $1.00 off coupon stuck on the package. Replace choice with better choice.
Step 3: Repeat step 2 in the aisle that has garbage bags.
Step 4: Buy hand soap.
Step 5: Use bottle of hand soap purchased in Step 4 to push bar of soap that has things growing on it into the waste basket. Use paper towel to pick up hand towel and place in waste basket. Arrange new items.
I’m not actually sure this is an improvement.
Abandon all hope, ye who got stuck here when this window was last closed.
Home Ownership Day #1: Extensive landscaping
Materials needed: Container, dirt, a bunch of plants
Time needed for project: about 32 seconds (plus 20 min. to arrange the container)
Step 1: Attend closing
Step 2: Receive staggering amount of keys for a house that only has two doors
Step 3: Promptly lose the only clearly labeled set